Tomorrow little Michael will be 6 weeks old. Crazy, huh?! As they all say, where does the time go? I understand my own parents so much better since being a parent. I understand why my Mama has small moments of sadness when she reflects on how much life has changed. It’s just so hard to see your babies grow up to be their own people! At the same time, I understand the pride and joy in my own parents eyes whenever I or one of my siblings conquers a challenge or achieves success. It is incredible watching your offspring become their own people. A paradox? Yup. I have no idea how both of those feelings can exist at the same time in relation to the same subject, but they do!
Michael is fat and sweet and cuddly. He coos and smiles at life when he is awake, as if there was not a care in the world. He sleeps easily in his own bed (which is a blessing…but is it crazy that I miss him “needing” me to sleep and be at peace???!) The newborn smell is all but gone, but he still has a soft little head that I love to stroke, and beautiful dark eyes that follow me around the room when he is sitting in his little recliner. I miss holding him all the time. It’s not realistic to expect that I can hold him all the time, as I have two other very needy children to care for, but I do wish I could! He is almost too long for his 0-3 month clothes. How does this happen??!
Meanwhile, his older brothers have pressed on with life, working through their own growth curves with tremendous energy. William runs around the house like one possessed – except he does it with the sweetest little attitude, and is generally so absorbed in whatever toy he is playing with that he is good as gold…until Big Brother tries to snatch said toy. Yes, Big Brother is going through the toy-snatching phase. William has such a bright personality, it really makes me happy just to look at him, most days! His one struggle is meal time, and this is where we see the negative side of that intense personality. He has decided (and persevered in that decision for months now, despite appropriate discipline) that he does not have to eat anything except crackers and milk. This means that every meal not consisting of said crackers and milk is met with a defiant little, “No!” and a lot of tears. He has spent much time in his crib crying and saying, “No”. It is sad. I hope that he soon realizes how much happier life can be if he just takes the food he is given and moves on. The crazy thing is, once he accepts that first, horrible bite, he usually LOVES his meal and eats the rest with relish!
Lil J is my challenge right now. The only thing worse than seeing your poor two year old struggling with a serious case of sin nature is to see them in pain. He is so curious and precious on the one hand, experimenting, watching out for Will, trying to help Mama and showing Michael how to play with his toy airplane, and so defiant and contrary on the other, snatching toys from his brother, screaming, whining and being downright contrary. I realize I expect a lot from him, and that may contribute to the problem….perhaps I demand a lot and don’t reward enough? Perhaps this is partly the need for affirmation and positive attention, not just another “no”? He is the kid who will hold on to the grocery cart and walk beside me through the whole store with barely an infraction, who will get his brother’s blankie for him in a sad moment and stop to say, “Know what? Wuv you!” But some days I feel like the only thing I do is tell him “no” and discipline him. Sigh…. need wisdom!
Altogether, being Mama of three is challenging, but rewarding. And necessary. My Selfishness needed this! 🙂