Working on That Word

Waiting.  Still.  Struggling to be content with the present.

I have always been tempted to day dream about the future.  I tell myself, “I just want to be prepared” and so I visualize situations and circumstances that haven’t happened yet.  I have been in this particular place of waiting three times now: the pre-baby anticipation.

I love this time, I really do!  If I can maintain a good attitude and not worry too much about what the next day might hold, this is a great time of life.  The calm before the storm, so to speak – except, in this case, I really, really want the storm to come.  I know better than ever before how sweet the after-storm is, when there is a new baby, all the elation that comes with holding him, smelling him, nursing him, learning him.  These pre-Michael days are AWESOME, because I have a wonderful husband and two sweet little sons who fill my days with excitement, fun, purpose and joy.  AND, I know from experience how little time I will have to focus on them soon.

BUT.  I also struggle with the anticipation, wondering, imagining…. what will he be like?  What will the birth be like?  Will it be quick and easy?  Will there be some unusual struggle I will have to go through?  What will I learn?  How will handle labor and birth this time?  Will it be expected?  Surprising?  In the middle of the night, or during the day?  Will my husband have to rush home from work, or my water break while I’m at the store?  Will it be early (as in, tomorrow, haha?) or late…another 4 weeks?  I play out all kinds of scenarios in my mind, and then realize…it doesn’t matter.  God knows, He is in control.  I can never be prepared for everything.  I need to be content for now.  So that I can be content then.

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Pregnancy Funny

So, I am drinking Red Raspberry Leaf tea daily in hopes that this up-coming labor is somehow, magically, easier and less painful than my previous two (not that they were all that bad, as far as labor goes, but there is always room for improvement when pain is involved).  I am supposed to drink three cups a day, but in spite of the fact that I am almost constantly sipping at it, I typically down maybe a cup and a half.  For this reason, I take it with me wherever I go.  I pour it into my coffee travel mug and pretend that doing so will help me consume more of the beverage than I otherwise would.

Today, I took my tea on an outing with my husband.  He had no idea.

(Brief detour: Jordan has a phobia of all things pregnancy.  He shudders at the thought of prenatal appointments, walks out of the room if the midwife should happen to mention the word “uterus” and refuses to revisit the details of the birth of our first two children.  It just freaks him out.  End of detour)

So, there we were, enjoying a quiet moment together when Jordan grabbed my coffee cup and took a big old swig, doubtless expecting coffee.  The look on his face when his mouth was filled with some cold, sweetened herbal mixture instead, was priceless.  His mouth full of liquid, he gestured wildly to me, as if to inquire, “What in the world is that??!”  I said, “Oh, that’s my pregnancy tea!”  And that priceless look?  Got so much more priceless.  As he sprinted toward the bathroom, silently heaving.  And flushed the toilet a minute later.  And rinsed his mouth out several times.  I hate to admit it, but I was dying laughing.  “JOANNA!”  “What?  You never asked!”

There are moments of pregnancy that are no fun, that are difficult, uncomfortable and plain hard work.  And then there are those times when your husband drinks your herbal tea and you get to sit there and laugh.  Possibly my favorite funny moment of all time!  Of course, there was the time a Church lady asked him how much my cervix was dilated…..

February’s Word

I hate waiting.  Well, hate may be a strong term, but it’s pretty close to the truth.  I am sure I’m not alone in this sentiment.  Waiting is part of life we all dislike to some degree, but it is a necessity that pops up everywhere.  Waiting….to be old enough to play outside by myself, to do my own hair, to find a best friend, to get married, to have children, to have more money, or a bigger house…..the list goes on.  We wait for so many things in life, and often – at least in my case! – with not the best of attitudes.  But waiting is actually a precious time.  Especially when you are waiting for a sweet little one to arrive, while surrounded by two other sweet little ones who are about to learn and adopt new roles 🙂

So, my word for the month is:  Content.  I thought about maybe using the word “patience” but I want to do more than just wait.  I want to be content. at peace, fully accepting of the moment I am in, whether that moment by one of cuddles and story time, or one of pregnancy discomforts combined with fussy sick littles and an approaching lunch time dead line.

I’ll be honest, I do struggle with being content.  This strikes me as odd, since I have SO MUCH in my life that makes me happy, and so few complaints.  But, I am the kind of person who craves perfection, and I have a hard time appreciating the process.  I want my dishes clean, my cupboards organized, my laundry folded, my toddler spotless, my schedule on the dot, my hair brushed and looking good.  I get impatient when we eat and…wow, there are so many dirty dishes.  They irritate me.  I can’t rest until they’re done.  Laundry day?  It is stressful because…there are three baskets of unfolded laundry sitting in my living room. Thanks to toddlers, I am learning to relax, and realize that perfection in housework/scheduling only lasts a precious few seconds, but the bulk of life is made up of tackling those dirty dishes and laundry piles, and that I will never have inner peace without learning to enjoy the process, not just the destination.

I hope to never reach a point where I accept dirt and mayhem and don’t try to fix it.  But I do hope to reach the point where I can laugh at the mess, while digging in, and not feel irritated if my efforts are interrupted half way.