Of course, Jordan would be quick to remind me that only the boring actually get bored, but… I guess what I really mean is, I feel a little aimless right now. I am less than two weeks away from the “due date” – which probably means, I am about three or four weeks away from actually meeting this little one – and there seems so little to do. Even after my careful planning, and the fact that I set aside several projects for these last few days, I look around my house and realize pretty much everything is done. Dresser for Baby? Finally have it, and the clothes I thought would take so long to organize and put in drawers were all in place in about thirty minutes. The weird deep-cleaning projects like wiping all the baseboards and cleaning out the inside of the stove? Yeah, those took a couple hours. Making a little changing pad for the diaper bag? 15 minutes. Finishing all my mending? Maybe half an hour. Making a curtain for the closet in teh baby’s room? I worked on it slowly, and it still only took 45 minutes! Freezer meals? Well, those took a little longer, but after only a few days of cooking a little extra here and there, our little freezer is so full I can’t possibly fit anything else in.
I know people would call this “nesting” but it’s hard for me to see it that way, since these are all things I planned on doing, not things I suddenly decided to do in a burst of panic and energy. In fact, I’ve had to seriously motivate myself to get them done, only to find that they all turned out easier and quicker than I thought. Having food in the freezer involved no more effort than making a double batch of the dinner I already had to cook anyway! And since I’m used to cooking for a crowd, after growing up with 7 siblings, that really wasn’t hard.
So, I am left scrounging for things to do when I wake up in the mornings. “Um, let’s see… cook dinner…wash the dishes from cooking dinner…. Hey! There might be enough dirty clothes to wash, if I throw in the kitchen towels! And I can’t see the neat lines from when I vacuumed the floor last, so I might as well do that again, too.” Meanwhile Jordan, ever the energetic one, pops out of bed three hours earlier than I, studies the Bible in English AND in Greek, makes the morning coffee (he is very particular about this, and won’t let me touch it!) and then proceeds to do all the little home-improvement stuff that I desperately want done but can’t do myself….such as, paint the bathroom and put wheels on the Baby’s dresser. I observe these happenings (once I am finally awake), wrapped comfortably in my robe, with a hot cup of coffee between my hands and a mental numbness enveloping my whole being, all the while wishing for something I can do, or at least wishing that getting out of bed hadn’t made me as breathless as if I had run all the way to the grocery store and back again!
I suppose having little to do is a pretty mild complaint, as far as complaints go. I mean, it could be so much worse! And it IS convenient that this forced lull in activity coincides with a serious decline in energy on my part, but I keep thinking, “This is not how I want to spend the last few weeks”. I don’t want to be sitting around, dissatisfied, tired and bored, as if life doesn’t exist until the baby is born – or, worse yet, develop an obsession with the question, “Is this IT???? Is today the day????” and get worked up into an emotional hypertension! I pray daily for patience, and wisdom to see the little things I can do, and am trying so hard not to just wish for it all to be finished and Baby to be here!